Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Volcanoes can teach you a lot about marriage: Part 2

Okay, now for Chrystalle's side of the story! I'll agree with Mike on one thing: the day did get off to a good start. On Tuesdays at the resort they have a 6:30a.m. spin class, so I got up nice and early and had an awesome, kick-ass workout. I'm not sure how many of you are into exercising in the morning, but there's just something about it that makes you feel so good about yourself and really makes you want to continue doing healthy things all day, starting with, say, eating a healthy breakfast. Which is why when Mike and I sat down at the restaurant I knew exactly what I wanted: oatmeal and fruit. Mike was not impressed with my order.

"Why don't you get the buffet?"

"Because all I want is oatmeal and fruit."

"They have that at the buffet!"

"But why would I order the whole buffet if all I want is oatmeal and fruit?"

"Because you might see something else you like."

Right. Okay, so putting aside for the moment the fact that I HATE buffets-- they make me feel like an animal at the trough filling up my feed bag-- "seeing something else I like" is precisely the problem with buffets. My husband is not a calorie counter. He does not understand that if I look at a menu and order a single healthy item, I have successfully avoided the temptation of whatever diet disasters could have befallen me at that meal, like buttermilk pancakes or Belgian waffles or whatever other belly-busters they have to offer. If I go to the buffet, then I have to avoid the diet disasters again and again and again as I walk up and down in search of the healthy fare. It's just too tempting and not worth the hassle.

"I don't want anything else. I just want oatmeal and fruit."

I think Mike got the point, but he always has to have the last word. "Fine. Just saying though, there's a whole vat of oatmeal at the buffet."

Aaarrrrrgh. But putting that minor irritation aside, we had a very nice breakfast down by the beach and when it was over, I was very psyched about going to the volcano. Seriously! Plus we were going to go the long, scenic way so that we could see the entire island. I was genuinely looking forward to it.

Which is why I was so disappointed when it turned into a bust.

So why exactly was it a bust? Was it because as a girl I am genetically incapable of enjoying volcanoes? Is the female of the species too prone to bouts of hunger or chills or maybe just general misandry to understand the awesomeness of such an adventure?

Or is it possible that perhaps the day was not quite as enjoyable for me because IT WAS 60 DEGREES OUT AND RAINING AND MY HUSBAND TOLD ME NOT TO DRESS WARM?!?! And could it also have something to do with the fact that WE WENT WITHOUT FOOD FROM 8am UNTIL 4pm?!?!?! Hmmm, I'm thinking that maybe the fact that I was starving and freezing had something to do with my displeasure.

Yet interestingly, when Mike shares his version of the story he neglects to mention that I asked him not once, but TWICE whether or not I should wear long pants and he said NO. He also neglects to mention that we finished breakfast at 8, that I had gone to spin that morning and only had a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit for breakfast, that I finally asked around 2 if we could stop for lunch, and that we didn't actually GET any food until 4pm. Jeez!

I'm all for being fair, so I would like to share Mike's responses to my contentions.

To my point that I was freezing, Mike responds that he "didn't know it would be that cold." And here we have Marriage Lesson Number One: do not assume that information provided by your husband is factual. Because apparently, he does not need to familiarize himself with the facts prior to doling out information. In other words, Mike, if you didn't know it would be cold, why did you tell me how to dress? Why not say, "Hmm, I'm not sure if you should wear pants. You should check the web to see what the Volcano State Park suggests."

And to my point that I was starving, Mike says "Well, I told you to get the buffet!" Thus bringing us to Marriage Lesson Number Two: men have larger storage vessels than women do. Whereas I get full quickly and prefer to eat five small meals a day, my husband is on the Eat Till You Barf plan. If I tried to eat the way he does, I would be sick for hours. If not days. So no wonder he didn't want lunch --I wouldn't want lunch either if I could shove down the equivalent of three breakfasts!

So like I said, volcanoes can teach you a lot about marriage. Next sight-seeing trip, no matter what Mike says, I'm packing sweats. And snacks.

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